Samaritan Insights

The time from Thanksgiving, through Hanukkah, through Christmas, Kwanza is one of those times in our country when we usually think of going home, being with family, getting back together.  The pull to return to the good old days is what captures the imaginations of many of us.  We will be lulled by fond memories, renewal of familiar customs, and we romanticize the experience.  “Home for the Holidays”, “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire”, “a White Christmas”, are some of the images that influence the Christmas experience.  But hidden away in there are unresolved conflicts, bitter memories, the loss of a loved one, the push to be that old quiet person or bully or even alcoholic that you have left behind. 

What do we do?  This struggle is captured in a phrase by one writer we have referred to here at Samaritan Counseling.  He talks of “spiritual homelessness”, where one searches for that place where it is possible to feel and be settled, where one can be who one is and be ok with whom others are as well.  The family one grows up in and the continued gatherings, however much the children’s games with dreidels or hanging stockings or whatever the custom may be overshadowed by pain and loss and hurt.  Where does one turn at a time like this?  Especially with the whole society going crazy to get us to buy presents, to plan travel to or host those with whom some of the most difficult life experiences might have taken place.

Well it is possible to “go home again” as some other authors indicate.  Spiritual homelessness can be met with the realization that who one is and who the others are might work differently so it is possible to be together or a new location to call home can be found; perhaps with new friends.    Easy said, perhaps but not always easily done.  So, during these holidays as you feel this pull for “home”, be clear on what you value about these experiences, whether in the present or recent past.  Is it just that one aunt that makes this unpleasant, or is the recognition that Grandmother is no longer alive too painful to face yet and therefore this must be avoided?  Or is there no longer nurture by these customs which felt stifling and my faith maybe is expressed differently and so there does not seem to be a place for me?

Holding you and your family up side by side will give you a chance to decide if your spiritual homelessness and be alleviated somewhat by going home again.  Can you be there differently, can you find another place, have you learned enough about yourself to know what parts of these events you really need and can tolerate everything else, or must I create something new?  This kind of questioning can help you find that gift of personal liberation, or love of self and others, that these holidays speak to.  The holidays we celebrate from Thanksgiving through Hanukah, Christmas, Kwanza, just as some examples, push us to realize how important what we believe is with who we are.  A search for peace, for hope, for joy, is all values which are a part of creation.  May these gifts be yours during this holiday season.