Six Ways to Cope with the Holidays
The Holidays are here. Giving, singing, gifts, parties, happiness, as well as planning, traveling, packing, who to give what to, can I afford it, should I buy it, this brings back sad and bad memories. These and other feelings and thoughts race through our minds and hearts as we get caught up in the sometimes all too busy and often mostly mindless pace which seems to drive us. Economic uncertainty behind all of this makes for an even great challenge to stay focused on what meaning the December holidays may usually have for us. I share with you 6 ideas that a friend of mine, David Olsen, Executive Director of the Samaritan Counseling Center of the Capital Region in Scotia, New York, came up with.
The ability to connect with others. Don’t isolate yourself. Let yourself be present with another. Don’t interrupt. Give them your attention. When you are not able to do these things it can be a signal for you that you are focused internally. There is clutter inside; you are not feeling the best about yourself.
The ability to adapt to changing circumstances. Most therapists know that change is hard because we feel comfortable in the familiar, no matter how satisfying or painful. But each moment of each day is different. We can’t duplicate something or keep it the same, similar perhaps but not identical. Find the flexibility to look at something differently. Accept the idea, indeed the reality, that there are other ways to think or do something. You will be able to relieve much stress this way.
The ability to manage emotions. How often our head says one thing and our heart feels another. To simply react without thinking or to stuff a feeling deep down inside will limit you and interfere with your ability to be present to yourself and others. Become emotionally intelligent. Let your feelings and your thinking talk to each other, so to speak. Bring the two together so you can thoughtfully be involved and let your feelings speak through you. Managing feelings means neither overreacting nor stuffing.
The ability to find meaning and joy in life. Even though you might think so life is not simply about the way the present is or only about the heritage you have from the past. You can think; you can imagine. You have feelings. For some acknowledging these attributes is harder than for others. But if you can let yourself remember your favorite music style, recall your wish to travel, or see a movie, or enjoy a good book or meet friends, or have a spontaneous date with your partner or do a pick up activity with one of your kids you can find joy in the moment you might not have found otherwise.
The capacity to sit with emptiness. Even we are not able to connect with others in a variety of ways, and if there have been disappointments that simply leave us in pain often a feeling of emptiness comes over us. We are separated from ourselves and others; we find it hard to connect to our spiritual center. God is not there for us. These empty spaces are as much a part of our created existence as filled up times. Be with your self at these times. Resource yourself with an appreciation of who you are, use Holy writings, a spiritual discipline, to get to know yourself better. You will be amazed at the inner resources you will find to get you through.
The ability to distinguish between shadow and person. Whether we call it the “shadow”, the “id”, the dark side there are parts of ourselves we don’t like. We can be rageful, vengeful, filled with lust, totally self focused to the exclusion of others. But this is not all of who we are. It is part of us in addition to our loving, caring, joyful, sensitive, caring selves. Learn to recognize one part from the other. Accept that both parts exist. If you don’t fight the one over the other you will find energy in both that, brought together, increase the possibilities for love of life, giving, and a greater sense of life’s possibilities.
The December holidays are about peace, love, joy, miracles, light over dark. The above suggestions which David offers us are a way to keep this time of year what it is meant to be. Happy Holidays!
Dr. Paul J. Melrose is Executive Director of the Samaritan Counseling Center of SE Michigan. He can be reached at www.paulmelrose.com; www.samaritancounselingmichigan.com; or through 248-474-4701. The staff of the center can be reached at www.samaritancounselingmichigan.com or through 248-474-4701.